Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
