never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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