my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
