i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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