i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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