his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
