I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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