who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
