i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im about as happy as oj after his trial
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
