um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
