Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
