You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
