please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
