dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
