ugly people sure do ruin things
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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