I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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