First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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