Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
