In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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