we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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