I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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