But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
