I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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