4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
