Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
