Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
