Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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