last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
