is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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