i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
