I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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