I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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