I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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