I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
