I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
