member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
