Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
