this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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