why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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