I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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