I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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