I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
