Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
