dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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