Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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