I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
