So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
