I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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