he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
