i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
