That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
