We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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