I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
