i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
