OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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