That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
