Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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