Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
