It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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