My cat gives me a boner
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
