nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
