i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
