I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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