We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
