I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pooping to opera.
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